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Becoming Attached: First Relationships and How They Shape Our Capacity to Love

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Manufacturer: Oxford University Press, USA

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The struggle to understand the infant-parent bond ranks as one of the great quests of modern psychology, one that touches us deeply because it holds so many clues to how we become who we are. How are our personalities formed? How do our early struggles with our parents reappear in the way we relate to others as adults? Why do we repeat with our own children--seemingly against our will--the very behaviors we most disliked about our parents? In Becoming Attached, psychologist and noted journalist Robert Karen offers fresh insight into some of the most fundamental and fascinating questions of emotional life.

Karen begins by tracing the history of attachment theory through the controversial work of John Bowlby, a British psychoanalyst, and Mary Ainsworth, an American developmental psychologist, who together launched a revolution in child psychology. Karen tells about their personal and professional struggles, their groundbreaking discoveries, and the recent flowering of attachment theory research in universities all over the world, making it one of the century's most enduring ideas in developmental psychology.

In a world of working parents and makeshift day care, the need to assess the impact of parenting styles and the bond between child and caregiver is more urgent than ever. Karen addresses such issues as: What do children need to feel that the world is a positive place and that they have value? Is day care harmful for children under one year? What experiences in infancy will enable a person to develop healthy relationships as an adult?, and he demonstrates how different approaches to mothering are associated with specific infant behaviors, such as clinginess, avoidance, or secure exploration. He shows how these patterns become ingrained and how they reveal themselves at age two, in the preschool years, in middle childhood, and in adulthood. And, with thought-provoking insights, he gives us a new understanding of how negative patterns and insecure attachment can be changed and resolved throughout a person's life.

The infant is in many ways a great mystery to us. Every one of us has been one; many of us have lived with or raised them. Becoming Attached is not just a voyage of discovery in child emotional development and its pertinence to adult life but a voyage of personal discovery as well, for it is impossible to read this book without reflecting on one's own life as a child, a parent, and an intimate partner in love or marriage.


PRODUCT DESCRIPTIONS:

Binding: Paperback
Dewey Decimal Number: 306.8743
EAN: 9780195115017
ISBN: 0195115015
Label: Oxford University Press, USA
Manufacturer: Oxford University Press, USA
Number Of Items: 1
Number Of Pages: 512
Publication Date: 1998-04-23
Publisher: Oxford University Press, USA
Studio: Oxford University Press, USA


ACCESSORIES:

• Health o Meter HDC100-01 "Grow with Me" Teddy Bear Scale for Babies and Toddlers


SIMILAR ITEMS:

• Parenting From the Inside Out
• Attachment in Psychotherapy
• The Forgiving Self: The Road from Resentment to Connection
• The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are
• A General Theory of Love


CUSTOMER REVIEWS:

What a rich and wonderfully detailed read! -
Such a wonderfully detailed book with a narrative that propels you forward through the history of how Attachment Theory came to be. The richness of the chronicling, the details of the lives of the therapists who created and performed the studies, and the depth with which the author explains all of the intricacies of Attachment Theory itself makes this a must-read for anyone who has an interest in thoroughly understanding what influences, molds, and creates our capacity to be in relationship with others. 5 Stars!

This book is like the cover photo -
a pure joy to read. Everything gets clear, and the history of the attachment theory is a fascinating read and shows how much confusion "science" can make when they go in and overturn common sense.

Required reading for all parents and those who love children -
I happen to love books about psychology, so for me reading about countless studies and academic rivalries was generally part of the enjoyment. But since not all parents have the time and energy to go into that level of detail, I'd love to see a shorter, more user-friendly version geared to expecting and new parents, both natural and adoptive. I have a friend who's adopting right now and while I'd love for her to read this, I know she wno't slog through it, so it would be great if there was a more a la carte version for parents like her.

That said, I have to agree with the rave reviews of the other reviewers who gave this book 5 stars. I would have loved this book even before I had my first baby; now that I'm a mom, virtually every sentence seems written just for me! It is so amazing to uncover the theories that help to explain how we bond with our children and they with us, and how we can help to promote secure attachment.

However, I can see how some who favor a hands-off, workaholic, "fight your own battles, kid!" parenting style might be threatened by some of the conclusions drawn in this book. Still, let's not avoid information that makes us uncomfortable. I very nearly returned to more than full-time employment when my daughter was 4 months old, but instead decided to scale back and work just 6 hours per week. Later, when I read this book and also Penelope Leach's Your Baby & Child, as well as Magda Gerber's Your Self-Confident Baby: How to Encourage Your Childªs Natural Abilities -- From the Very Start, I felt beyond relieved that I had done what felt right instead of what was financially smart!

I hope that rather than making working moms feel guilty and stressed, this book and others like it can empower moms who are able to to choose to work less the first one, two, or ideally three years of life. (If you want to read a book that will break your heart and convince nearly any new mom to stay at home rather than put her baby in daycare, read The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier.) Kudos to Karen for an immensely readable, enjoyable, and deeply thought-provoking work!

good start -
This book is perfectly written, gives a reading pleasure, a very good historical review of attachment theory. But if you want something more technical this may be not suitable for you. I'll advise this book as a good start for anyone who wants to get familiar with attachment.

Book Review on "Becoming Attached" -
This is an amazing book which was recommended to me by a friend who works in Child Protection - the parents of the children have mental health issues which range from learning disabilities to more extreme personality disorders. She sees babies and toddlers who have been abused through neglect; absence of communication; verbal, emotional, physical and sexual abuse. The children suffer a range of disorders from the physical to mental, emotional and social as a result, yet all have degrees of attachment to their abusers, ambivalent attachment and codependency and the patterns of how they are likely to develop are easy to see manifesting in the child that will become the adult if there is no early intervention, if the relationships were to continue between child and parent and if there is a lack of awareness or ability as a growing adult to consciously make efforts to change habitual patterns. This book covers all of these themes. Moreover in the seemingly relatively normal upbringing of a child and then the adult who looks retrospectively at their own childhood and their present relationship with their own children similar issues arise which affect their ability or capacity to love or show an ability to love. This book causes one to self-reflect, analyse and ponder quite deeply how we love because of how we were loved or what we understood or perceived love to be.

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